Writing to demonstrate Level 3 Features

POWERLESS WRITING
In Year 6, students work hard to learn about and then demonstrate Level 3 writing features. Sometimes we use short clips to help inspire writing. The clip below has inspired some excellent writing. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiBy-bRbJn8

Students were asked to

Your aim in this writing is to use the 5 ways to improve your writing quality. Use a very short sentence. Start your sentence with an AAWWUBBIS (Opener sentence) Ly start – Start a sentence with a ly adverb. Em – dash. A dash is used to set off information in a sentence with dramatic flair. The subject sentence. Start your sentence with the subject. (Interrupter)

Here are some great examples.

Written by Charlie Hooper

I continuously bump into the window, trying to get inside to the machine so I can help my fellow bespeckled cephalopod. I can’t find a way, how can I get up there, OH WAIT, THE CHIMNEY!  I fly up to the chimney, then shoot down as all the dust settles on to my fragile green glowing bespeckled cephalopod body, I whoosh  past the old man  and up into the machine-I’m in baby. It starts up with a whir, cling, clang, hop, bop and clop and we are now off. Into the woods we go!

I look behind me now and the old man is not far behind me walking at a steady pace and slows down to holt when he sees me helping my fellow luminous red glowing  bespeckled cephalopod that is struggling  under the weight of the enormous  log and comes over to help. He pulls with all his might, my fellow  bespeckled cephalopod shoots up into the night sky and follow him up there, but then the machine crumbles to the ground and the old man kneels beside it for a while and then walks away. Slowly. His dream came true but then it just floated away from him, his life’s work gone.

Written by Ronan Brier

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE —the robot’s high pitched tone grew as he roared to life, his eyes flashed: soft baby blue - bright happy yellow to an alarming, threatening red. What had brung this robotic creature to life? No one knew. It rose. And ran. It had found itself in an old run-down cottage that reeked with the smells of cigarettes, what kind of inventor would live here? His cybernetic brain thought.

It found the door. It used its robotic strength to open the door- it stopped, My memory is still in there it thought and I wouldn’t mind a nice cup ‘o coffee. It ran inside. On the floor lay a box with the word classified written on it, It must be inside there! I have finally found the coffee recipe! He thought I wonder if my memory could be stalled there too! The robot and the box were in the cottage’s kitchen, it shook the box — WHAM!! A tin fell on his head. He caught it and threw it. SMASH!!

He woke to this sound. He picked up a cigarette and a lighter. For he was… The inventor! The robot struggled to find his things, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye, At last! The robot once again thought. On the ground lay… Half a tin of coffee (Unbelievable!! This robot is absolutely obsessed with coffee!!)

Creeeeeek!!!